Making Author Friends

Personally, this is one of the most important things I believe an author needs.

This life of writing is too damn lonely.

I’m going to start off by saying, I’m the biggest introvert ever. I don’t open up easily. I don’t go up to people and introduce myself. After work I need a good three hours in a dark room before I can talk to my husband. Like it’s a whole thing.

So making friends has never been easy for me.

As an introvert, I’ve simply taken it one step at a time. I would join discord groups and facebook groups and people watch. I’d look out to see if there were any topics I was interested in and then I would say something. I would freak the hell out afterwards but I did it (Yay!). But eventually I got a good group who became my daily source of reels and memes.

I promise we write too.

Sometimes.

The reason I said make writing friends and not just companions or find critique partners, is because the friend aspect changes things. Keeping a distance and having a more business relationship is great for some. But having real friends in this writing journey can change things exponentially.

First, as a friend, your duty is to support and call out. This is essential. Whether you’ve got one or a group, this can really turn things around. You need a friend who can reassure you that you’re on the right path. Who can alpha read for you and give you some guidance. You need one who has had their own share of media intake who can say hey, I’ve actually seen that done before so you’ll either have to change it or switch it up. You need one who will be in your comments as often as they’re able (and I really emphasize AS OFTEN AS THEY’RE ABLE) to hype you up and help with the stupid algorithms. You need a friend who will call you out on your shit. Or, you need a group with one each of those people. 

When it comes to writing, we all know this is hard. It’s the path we chose and we don’t regret it or we would just give up. And because it’s so hard, because we put so much effort and fall in love with our stories, it’s hard to hear the criticism. This is why I would rather hear it all from the people who know me and what I’m trying to accomplish, so that when the readers who don’t know me from Adam come out to play dirty, it doesn’t hit as hard. Don’t get me wrong, those negative reviews will sting like you’re being set on fire, but you worked out all the bugs that helped with your story and you had feedback. It’s up to the world once it’s published to like it or not.

Along with writing friends, you get community. Now if you know as well as I do, community helps the world go round. These are the people who are in the trenches with you, who sit with you while you hate everything you write, who you reassure when you just can’t possibly write this story anymore. It’s a relationship that if done right, could end up helping all of you soar. Your community is essential because you’ll know exactly where to turn when things get rough. Hell, you’ll know exactly where to turn when things go right! When I got my book cover back, my writing group was the first place I went. I barely looked at it, I saw the file, cried, saved it and sent it. I was elated and they were too. You celebrate each other’s successes and having that group that understands every monumental and small step can make everything feel much less lonely.

I can not say it enough, find a community. Even if it’s just one friend who you do sprints with. Find a writer friend you can count on and be a friend back. For this industry, they’ll be your everything and vice versa. It’s so important to feel like you can do this. It’s not easy, but at the end of the day, it’s so incredibly worth it.